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I Wish I Was a
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Age: 17
Player: Fishy!
Joined: 11-July 17
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Last Seen: May 22 2018, 01:07 AM
Local Time: May 22 2018, 11:54 AM
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New Mutants Beta

My Content
Mar 29 2018, 12:09 AM
"Come on, I've got something to show you."

Billy had been smart about cornering Ion, while all he really wanted to do was hide away in Liv's room so they could cry over stupid boys he was not dumb enough to just barge into her room given everything that had gone wrong lately. So he pulled her aside after dinner, his arm sliding around her shoulders as he quickly stole her away from John, "We'll be back in a few." He promised the cowboy, he might have been stealing the guy's girlfriend away, but he wasn't going to destroy their evening.

Or he was not trying to destroy their evening, it might be ruined if he didn't manage to patch things up with Liv.

He was quiet as he led the way out of the main building, across the lawn and towards the stables. In all honesty, there was nothing to show Liv, he just needed an excuse to get her away from everyone else. He was tired of fighting with Liv, but more than that he didn't want to embarrass either of them by just having a spat right in the middle of the dining hall, "I lied about there being something I wanted you to see." He admitted before asking, "Are you cold? You want my sweater?" He offered the pink-eyed girl before putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"I'm sorry," He started, wide doe eyes looking down at his friend as he struggled to find the right words. He'd thought about what to say, but nothing really sounded good enough at the moment, there was no way to explain how he really felt or the off-center way he'd been feeling ever since they came home from the savage land. All Billy really knew was that he was really damn tired of having his friend so angry with him, "And I mean it, I'm sorry. I just don't want you to be angry at me anymore, I messed up- I get that. I never wanted you to think that I'd choose a boy over you, and I didn't but you were just so angry, and me and then and I was just so worried." He stopped suddenly, none of it really mattered anymore anyways, he'd been the loser in this situation. He'd come out at the bottom, and he felt like everyone was upset at him.

He bit his lip as he tried to keep from just blurting anything else out, he was known to just talk too much or go on some wild tangent. That was the last thing he wanted now, so he took a breath and spoke again, "I just- I-" He struggled for a moment before just giving up and trying to be as honest as he could be, "I get it, I lost, I picked a boy who didn't pick me, I lost all that and made that mistake. I don't want to lose my best friend too, I just don't have the energy to fight with you. I just want to know what to do to make you stop being mad at me, I don't care just tell me what to do." Billy waited, he felt anxious because with everything else that was going on his life would have just been so much easier if he'd been really able to talk to Liv about everything. Part of it was just that he was such a private person and the other part was that he honestly didn't want to make Liv more upset by dumping his problems on her. She had enough going on in her own life she didn't need to deal with Billy's bad choices too.

"I know I should have talked to you sooner." He made a face before looking down at his shoes like the old sneakers on his feet were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen, "But I was jealous, John picked you, and now I'm back to just being the awkward third wheel. I liked being the four of us." Sure things had not always been great, wild things had happened straight from the start, like when they'd been attacked by magic sea life at the museum. Despite all of that it had been a dynamic that he enjoyed, he'd never gotten to be with a group of people like that. Sure he might have been the only one who thought they were going on double dates, but even without that, they'd gotten along reasonably well.

None of that mattered now, he reminded himself, because he'd lost all that and if he couldn't smooth things over with Liv then he'd lose her too.

[Gunslinger for the mention]
Mar 22 2018, 01:17 AM
12:06PM: Are you at your place on 96th?

After leaving his parents place in westside Manhattan, Billy had meant to head back to the mansion. Except when he got to the station he found himself reaching into his pocket and staring at the card that his mother had given him. The name Owen Price mocked him, yet even now when all the danger was gone he still worried about the blue-eyed boy with the messy mop of hair. It was hard not to feel like this older man had stolen his friend's place, but after a few seconds, he reminded himself that Auri really was this older man the entire time. He'd been stuck twenty years in the past for several weeks, so even though he felt like he knew the time-displaced teen very well, he'd never had the chance to introduce himself to the person he'd been restored to.

So he texted Auri Delavigne, his stomach tightening uncomfortably and his face pinking as he realized that he'd neglected to actually delete the contact info from his phone. Instead, Billy was suddenly looking down at the proof of his once hopeful romantic leanings, he'd once wanted to be one of those cute people, so he'd changed Auri's name in his phone. No time like the present to change it back though. His own frustration caught up to him, and after the few seconds that it took to change the contact he texted again.

12:07PM: Can I stop by? Can we talk?

Billy was already heading to the subway station by the time that he asked, already certain that he was going to just show up there. Not that he even knew what he wanted, closure maybe? He'd been so understanding of the fact that Auri had decided to take the offer to return him to adulthood, but he'd yet to ask why because he was not sure he wanted the answer. Partly he just kind of wanted to talk to someone, to speak to someone who might understand what he was talking about. Billy didn't want to have to repeat his entire life story for someone, and more than anything else he wanted someone to answer him honestly. There was no helping the general sense of wrong-ness that Billy felt very often, the way he seemed like he was always on the outside of things looking in, and he was never quite sure what exactly he was missing.

He was for sure missing something, and who knew if he'd ever find it.

12:10PM: My mother gave me Owen Price's business card today... Do you allow house calls?

Who else would even understand why Billy was upset at his own mother?

Did he want to admit to his friends that his mother of all people suggested he see someone?

By the time that Billy had made it to Auri's building on 96th, he'd very quickly made up his mind. He did not need to tell anyone about this little trip. Hopefully, it would make him feel better and if not it would just be one more story that he kept to himself. He could only imagine how someone like Liv would react if he told her where he was going, she'd probably just get more angry at him. Sometimes he wondered if he'd end up slowly losing all of his new friends, if things with Liv didn't get better he'd end up losing her and then he assumed he'd slowly lose everyone that he met through her. It was a sad idea but one he'd lived through before, he didn't have any friends left after he'd ended up attacking Kessler- He'd been the one getting harassed for years, but the moment he'd stood up for himself his few friends had dropped him.

Not wanting to be stopped by the guy at the front desk, he just cast an illusion to turn himself invisible. He was not actually invisible, but the people around him wouldn't be able to see him, so it was good enough. An easy trick that worked quite well as he just followed a couple into the building and right onto the elevator, waiting until they got off on their floor before pushing the button and heading to Auri's. It was not until Billy exited the elevator that he suddenly realized he was nervous, but that feeling was easy to trample down before he knocked on the man's door. Billy put his hands into his pockets and waited for Auri to answer the door, "Hi." He started as Auri let him in, "I'm sorry to come over on such short notice, but my mom gave me your card, and I don't know it just felt like fate or something stupid like that."

Billy just kind of hovered, he could have sat down or something, but he was reluctant to touch anything. He did wonder if Auri had come back here after the savage land and found himself suffering through strange new memories stuck in his apartment. The first time Billy had been here they had not been careful about not touching Auri's things and if Billy had been a vindictive person he might have thought Auri deserved it, but instead he just felt guilty now for something he couldn't have known then. "I don't know what to say," He admitted honestly, feeling brave because of the idea that he couldn't lose someone he'd already lost. "I think I'm supposed to be super upset, either at you or at life, maybe at the savage land, or whoever thought it was a good idea for us to go there. I'm not though- I get it. I always knew this would happen that I'd end up stuck being me and you'd go back to being you, the real you." It was a hard distinction to make, but this older man before him was the real Auri.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do next."
Mar 18 2018, 10:52 PM
"Billy, I'm sorry."

William Kaplan sat in the window box of his childhood bedroom, his forehead leaning against the glass as he watched the city move outside of his bedroom window. Every day since they'd returned from the Savage Land had stretched on, they'd been home over a week but still, the days felt like they stretched on and on. Billy felt like he'd lived years since they'd left the magical jungle hidden in the Antarctic and set foot back in NYC. Even now he didn't really have any sense of time, didn't know if he'd been sitting there looking out the window for hours since he'd woken up or if he'd been pressed against this glass looking at other people living for his entire life.

He didn't really know how to feel, if he was properly heartbroken he might have gotten somewhere, he could have eaten ice cream straight from the carton and felt better after a good cry. Except he didn't feel that way really, he didn't feel adequately sad, or angry either. Instead, he just had a general sense of apathy, almost like he didn't have the energy to really get upset about everything that happened. He wanted to be upset with Auri, but in his mind, he felt like he understood the choice. Billy was just one floofy haired and easy to replace seventeen-year-old boy, he just could not compare to an entire life that the Cajun would have had to throw away to stay seventeen. A small part of him even wished he could feel properly bitter, Liv had been so angry at Auri and then so angry at Billy for his continued worry over the boy who'd hurt both her and his mentor. At that point he didn't care, he'd been worried sick, but he wished he could bitterly tell his best friend that she was right, wished he could say that he'd wasted his time on a boy who didn't choose the illusionist at the end.

"...I always feel like I'm missing something, its like I'm missing out on some universal thing..."

Maybe the issue right at the heart of everything was that Billy always felt like there was something intrinsically broken in him like he was missing something that the people closest to him had in abundance. He'd thought that the reason why he hated his birthday was that he'd actually been missing his twin the whole time, but now he was just starting to believe that he was defective in some manner. Maybe he was missing some gene that made people enjoy their own birthday celebrations, maybe his mother had held him too much as a baby, and it had smothered his ability to have a good cry? Billy sighed for what felt like the millionth time, a soft worn out sound that betrayed the weary way the teenager felt.

He wanted a nap, kind of wanted to just curl up in the warm blankets and sleep until he could muster up the energy to really vent out all of his issues. Another sigh and he pulled his knees up to his chest, making himself smaller like maybe if he was wrapped up into a tiny ball he could manage to tuck the spiral of his thoughts away into a neat little package. True to form Wiccan was over thinking everything, he'd spent hours upon hours rehearsing what he could say to people, trying to imagine what it would be like to tell another person all of his deepest secrets. There was just a fear that he held onto, he was scared that he'd try to explain how he honestly felt at the moment and he'd ruin everything. Billy knew that he was the type to totally overshare at the most inopportune moments, so no matter what he imagined trying to tell someone and getting so frustrated because they could not understand. How could the people closest to him understand exactly how he felt?

"Billy, did you even go to bed last night?"

Rebeccah Kaplan was a bright ray of sunshine in Billy's life, at seventeen he was still a young man who at times still needed his mother. She was the type of woman that even with her career and the twins (his younger brothers) taking up a good chunk of her time, she always set aside time for her eldest child. "I don't know?" He told her honestly, he was still dressed in the PJ's he put on last night but didn't really remember getting into bed last night. Glancing over he could tell that his mother was concerned, he'd left his door ajar like he usually did (since he only usually closed it when he wanted privacy) and she'd peeked her head in to check on him. One look at his face though and she was crossing the room, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before running her fingers through the messy snarl of curls on his head. She always tried her best to tame his floof, and while it was a battle everyone was going to lose, it did make the illusionist feel a bit better. He leaned against her, a tiny part of him missing the days when he'd crawl into bed with his parents on the weekends, but those days had vanished once the twins had come. His safe space wedged between his parents had been given up to two tiny mewling babies... And he'd never actually missed it until now.

"I'm concerned about you," Rebeccah didn't give Billy time to argue. Instead, she spoke openly and honestly. "I know that you've had a lot on your plate, and I can not imagine it is easy being out and being a mutant at your age with the current political climate. I want you to go talk to someone, I know that you don't want me to go shrink-mom with you, but really Billy you have to talk to someone. I understand not wanting to talk to your mother, but you need to speak to a professional." Billy watched his mother pull out a few business cards from the pocket of the sweater she had on, it was one of her favorite, one that she'd borrowed from his father with the logo of the hospital that he was a surgeon at. Something he'd seen his mother wear so often that the emblem had faded from washing but something that made him feel slightly distraught.

He knew rationally that he was a seventeen-year-old boy, he had his whole life ahead of him and so many things that were more important than boys. Except right now when he looked at his mother he just saw something that felt entirely unattainable for him. "I have a couple of cards, people in my field that are well respected and well recommended. Go to one of them, go to all of them, have a few sessions with each and see if you feel comfortable with them. Just go to someone, I love you, and I care about your mental health." He hated that he'd worried his mother so much, she'd offered to pay for therapy before, but this time it was clear that this was something that she was not giving him a choice about.

"Okay. I'll call and make an appointment," For the most part Billy thought he was well adjusted, growing up with a shrink for a mother meant that he'd had free access to a mental health professional during all of his waking hours. So when she said she was worried and that he needed to go to someone, he trusted her judgment. He figured he'd have a couple of sessions, speak to someone paid to listen and he probably wouldn't risk hurting the feelings of someone close to him. It actually sounded like a pretty good idea and a fairly risk-free way to talk through the things that were bothering him the most. "I know that Purim starts tonight, but do you think you can make an excuse for me? I don't really want to be here when the whole family comes over." It was still early and the festivities didn't start until sundown, but Billy was already dreading having his house full of people, "I'll keep my end of the bargain, I'll make an appointment with one of these guys first thing Monday morning." It was easy to see that Rebeccah cared more about her son's mental health than about him celebrating Jewish holidays, even if this usually was one of his favorites. She only kissed his head and headed out of his room, leaving Billy there alone and suddenly realizing that if he wanted to avoid the extended family, he needed to be out of the house soon.

Less then ten minutes later Billy was headed out the door of his parent's brownstone, his feet carrying him to the nearest subway station. He knew he'd have time before the subway got there so he thought he could look up some info about each of the people who's cards his mother gave him, "Really mom?" He stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk as he stared down at the cards in his hand, talking to himself as he blurted out. "How many shrinks in the city and one of your top three picks is Owen Price of all people." It was embarrassing to be standing right out on the street just a couple of blocks from his parent's house and yet now was when he felt like crying. This was an unfair little bit of kismet, one tiny little card had sent him into an embarrassing tail-spin. Anger would have been a better emotion, but a moment later he was shoving the cards into the pocket of his jeans, the bland and dispassionate feeling that he'd had for days his only companion as he headed back to the mansion.
Jan 21 2018, 01:17 PM
Things had been weird for Billy lately, so much had happened between the time that he'd been attacked by ninjas and he'd watched Luca get smashed by Logan. So much going on in a short time that was bookended by violence, so weirdly the thing that Billy had been thinking about was Shanes question, he'd asked if the illusionist had ever considered hand to hand training, but this was the first time that Billy had really considered it.

Auri had offered a while ago to give him a private lesson but now he was actually taking the boy up on his offer. More then ever Billy needed the knowledge that the pretty assassin he was crushing on could provide. He had asked Auri yesterday afternoon if he could give Billy a private lesson... While before billy would have been happy to have Liv and John along, today he didn't want anyone to witness his total ineptness. He knew that he'd have his ass handed to him and he really didn't want an audience. The main thing was that Billy trusted Auri, this was a guy who had seen all of his memories, he'd told Auri everything that he might have been embarrassed about, so he didn't worry about being seen as weak by this boy. He liked Auri, and he distinctly knew this guy better then he knew most of his friends, so he tried to not worry about it.

"You know I don't know why you seem to think that we need to talk about my diet." his tone was more amused than anything else as he walked with Auri towards the gym. "Burgers are totally acceptable food." Bumping his shoulder against the Cajun boys shoulder. In the time since their after valentines date, he'd spent as much time as he could with the other boy which was not very out of the ordinary. He liked Auri so he'd already spent as much time as he could with the other guy, their schedules might not have always matched, but for the most part, Billy was happy to move things around when the assassin had time. Smiling sweetly up at Auri as they entered the gym, he explained what he thought was his goal, "so what I really want is just to learn how to defend myself. There are lots of times that my powers are just useless so I think I need to learn how to defend myself... You know, against ninjas and people who think that punching faces is okay, I really am tired of getting black eyes." making his way into the gym proper he turned to face Auri. "so where is a good place to start?"

Taking his phone out of his pocket and setting it down he headed for the mats, once more turning to face Auri and beckoning him closer with a crook of his fingers.

Auri Delavigne
Jan 1 2018, 03:58 AM
So it had been a pretty wild week for Billy.

He could nearly see the very moment that everything kind of went wild in his life, on valentines day he'd been attacked by ninja's and that started this whole weird week. He'd freaked out at his twin because it had been Tommy's fault he was attacked at all, sought refuge in the company of the one person that he felt could take him away from what had happened. Okay so he also ended up accidentally uploading all of his memories into Auri's brain but he'd felt adrift, and he really did not want to have another situation pop up that would risk his life without having the chance to kiss the cajun boy. Then he was pretty sure that he not only freaked out his mentor but accidentally came out to him via text message.

All of that was even before Liv had barged into his room completely a mess because the guy that Billy thought she had been dating kissed her. It had made him realize that maybe he didn't actually know the friends that he was closest to all that well, he supposed all he could really do was just hang in there. He offered to buy Shanes coffee today, it was not the best peace offering, but he understood that his mentor was worried. He was probably right to be concerned, but Billy kind of just wanted a few days to get his own thoughts and feelings together before actually talking things out with Shane.

Billy was precisely on time for their afternoon coffee meeting, walking in the door to the grindstone cafe right as the time changed. "Hey, have you been waiting long?" He asked the older man as he removed his sunglasses to expose what was left of the bruising on his face. His black eye was getting better, some of the bruises around his temple had already faded, and overall he looked less like he'd lost a fight and more like he'd just been in one. There was no denying that they probably had a lot to talk about, but for right now Billy was just interested in Slate's coffee order. "Come on let's order, don't forget this time it's on me."

One weird thing was that even though they once more found themselves in front of the very cute blonde barista, Billy didn't seem as odd this time around. "Know what you're getting?" Looking at the menu he wondered if he should get something different today, "Has your week felt like it was three years long too? Because I super could use a vacation, there is really not enough coffee in the world to handle this week." Crap he was nervous, even though they had agreed that they could talk to each other about things Billy was worried about it all.
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